The Moment I Realised the Enneagram Wasn’t About Other People, It Was About Me!

A journey into emotional depth, self‑understanding, and the power of knowing our Enneagram type

My Story

For as long as I can remember, I’ve lived with a deep, almost aching desire to be understood. Not just seen but understood. That longing shaped everything: the way I connected, the way I created, the way I compared myself to others. I felt emotions with an intensity that sometimes felt like a superpower and sometimes like a weight I couldn’t put down.

I could sit in the depths of my own feelings for hours. I could sit in the depths of other people’s dysfunction just as easily and I thought that meant I was self‑aware. The truth was, I was swimming in emotion without understanding the currents underneath.

Envy was a quiet companion, not loud or dramatic, but a subtle hum. I’d see someone living a life that looked aligned or effortless, and I’d feel that familiar sting: Why them? Why not me? What am I missing?

For years, I assumed the answer was outside myself. The world wasn’t recognising me. People weren’t understanding me. Life wasn’t giving me the opportunities I needed.

Then I discovered the Enneagram and everything shifted.

⭐ The Moment Everything Became Clear

When I learned I was a 4w3, it felt like someone had turned a mirror toward me for the first time. Not a flattering mirror. Not a soft one. A truthful one.

The Enneagram didn’t tell me who I was. It revealed the wounds I had been organising my entire identity around.

It showed me:

• how my longing to be understood had become a filter I viewed the world through

• how my emotional depth had become a place to hide

• how my envy was actually pointing me toward my own unlived potential

• how my 3‑wing had been working overtime to perform worthiness

It was confronting. It was liberating. It was the beginning of self‑awareness for personal growth in the truest sense.

For the first time, I saw that the patterns I thought were “just who I am” were actually coping strategies, brilliant ones, but totally outdated ones.

⭐ What I Learned About My Own Path

1. My emotions weren’t the problem, my attachment to them was

I had mistaken intensity for identity. The Enneagram helped me separate the two.

2. My envy wasn’t about others, it was about my own dormant gifts

Every time I envied someone, I was seeing a part of myself I hadn’t allowed to grow.

3. My longing to be understood was really a longing to understand myself

I wanted others to validate what I hadn’t yet claimed.

4. My ambition wasn’t superficial, it was a desire to express something meaningful

My 3‑wing wasn’t vanity; it was a survival strategy that deserved compassion, not shame. The Enneagram didn’t change me. It helped me return to myself.

How Knowing Our Enneagram Types Improve Workplaces

Even though my story is personal, the impact of the Enneagram extends far beyond individual growth. When people understand their type, workplaces transform in subtle but powerful ways.

1. Communication becomes clearer

People stop assuming others think and feel the same way they do.

2. Feedback becomes less threatening

Understanding motivations reduces defensiveness and increases openness.

3. Conflict becomes more productive

Instead of reacting, people pause, reflect, and respond with awareness.

4. Teams become more compassionate

We recognise that everyone is navigating their own internal patterns.

5. Creativity and authenticity increase

When people feel understood, they bring more of their true selves to the table.

This is the ripple effect of using the Enneagram for self‑awareness and professional growth, it starts within us, but it doesn’t end there. It shapes how we relate, collaborate, and contribute. If this kind of work speaks to you, I invite you to get in touch. I support teams and leaders who want to bring more depth, emotional intelligence, and self‑awareness into the way they work together.